The time is right. As you know I have been alcohol free for a little over 20 years. This journey has taught me many life lessons. I have a confession to make.
COMPLACENCY: This is something which I teach in my travels. Never believe for one moment that you are totally free from the ‘pull’ of addiction. My demon is alcohol. Yours might be some other mind altering substance. A couple of years ago, the pain in my right foot following an accident, which is considered bionic with all its titanium pieces, has given me a large degree of pain on a daily basis.
I cannot afford the surgery for a bone fusion and I certainly can’t afford to lie in bed for a couple of months.
So my solution was pain medication. MY solution!! I started to take Codeine in small doses and not only did this help with pain relief; but I rather enjoyed the ‘buzz’!
Two years later, the doses have increased & I find myself popping pills even when there is no pain, because this demon told me to avoid the pain.
So I failed. The course of action I have taken is drastic and is also the reason that I haven’t written this blog for a while. Firstly I had to stop ‘popping’ & also I had to forgive myself & deal with the dreaded guilt.
The rebound headaches I had been experiencing were becoming unbearable & I realised that I was living in a numbed state of mind.
Well, it’s been ten days without any form of opium based drug and I am feeling like a new man! The first 52 hours were pretty bleak. The cramps, burning muscles, constant headache, nausea, irritability, lack of sleep & generally the desire to die was quite overwhelming.
I am back and wiser for the experience. Writing this blog is a form of self treatment. I have been honest & held my hand up high. Guilty as charged.
Life is totally hectic. Trying to find a home to rent, packing up the farm, school terms are starting, CD launch on the 24th Jan & a week in studio are just some of the endless projects at the moment.
THANK YOU to those of you, who have listened, advised & loved. Your support has been simply amazing.
I am still sober, I am now clean. I am always around should anyone else be experiencing addictive behaviour, you can send me a message on the blog or inbox me on the Facebook page.
Here’s a useful link which is well worth the read
The Broken Mirror........”if the Angel sends a sign”